On the smell of childhood.

I've become concerned, friends and neighbors, because my forthcoming niece will never know the smell of a happy childhood.

Now, let me clarify somewhat: I'm not saying that Niece will have an unhappy childhood or suffer from anosmia. I'm saying that one of the key smells of my childhood is gone forever: the scent of Wheatsfield Grocery, beloved food co-op of Ames, Iowa.

What does the defining smell of my childhood smell like? Like bulk spices, mostly, but also local organic produce and a bunch of other hippie shit. Before she was the woman she is today, my mom liked that hippie shit. Or she at least tollerated it, because Wheatsfield was less than a block from the Ames Public Library, and they made a mean dark-chocolate-covered peanut butter ball.

I can't stress enough how much the smell of that place means to me. The most intimate thing I've ever done in my whole life was to take a significant other at the time to the place just to smell it.

And they've ruined it. RUINED IT. They moved the store out of its tiny and ancient storefront next to the library and the art center and put it in a big, new, fancy building that reminds me too much of a whole foods and took away everything that was ever good about it.

That's not true. They have everything they ever had and more (om nom nom nom nom organic kale nom nom kale kale nom nom nom nom. If you don't know how much I like kale, read that while imagining me, like a fat kid, stuffing her face with kale, Fidy-esque cake-style). But the smell just isn't the same. There isn't old hardwood floor, and there's too much deli meat (yes, sigh, they have TONS of meat -- it's still Iowa, I guess). And I mourn the fact that Niece will never know the true scent of a happy childhood.

However, there are some important childhood smells that Niece will get to experience:

1. Opa-smell: the scent of my paternal grandfather (her great-grandfather, weird). A combination of old-former-secret-smoker house (my grandmother covertly smoked in the kitchen for many years, and it's stuck around), moth balls (those who love beautiful fabrics and yarns know the importance of smelly things), Brut cologne and metal shavings (the man is a master tinsmith). This smell is so evocative of my childhood that I've many times considered taking up smoking to keep the house the same, and worry about every little thing that might change it.

2. Faj's pizza-smell: My father (a man I affectionately refer to as Faj, which is an inside joke so complicated that I made it and still don't completely understand it) makes pizza every Friday night. He's the kind of stay-at-home dad that would be incredibly successful today: every part of the pizza my dad makes is hand-crafted whole food, veggies grown in our backyard garden, homemade sauce and crust, local cheese, all that hipster bullshit. Mind you, you're going above and beyond if I can call shenanagans on your manner of eating. Which is a thing that can be attributed to this practice. Our family has consumed pizza almost every Friday night I can remember, and my internal clock is set to become hungry for pretentious crust, sauce, cheese and toppings at the end of every week. And since my elder brother and I are such achievers and live with our parents-in-law and parents (repsectively), Niece will get to experience the warm, yeasty goodness of the classic scent of my father.

3. Cat. Well, Chloe shits all over my bedroom, so she's moving to St. Louis with the niece. As a person whose father has consistently loved his pets more than his own children, cat smell (which I now find repulsive) was an essential part of my childhood. And that's probably for the best. Fathers should love the most smelly thing that lives with them. Just like I love Abby and everything weird and smelly about her the most.

4. Arts and Crafts supplies. You can't tell me you haven't ever smelled a box of crayons, or paint, or beads, or glitter, or mod podge, or a nice new heavyweight paper. And girl is crafty like ice is cold -- I'll be passing that onto Niece.

If I have anything to say about it, Niece will experience the proper important smells of adolescence/young adulthood too: locker rooms, high school art rooms, national parks, unwashed hair, gigantic communal pots of vegan curries, house parties, dorm rooms, other people's sweaty bodies, books... I can't wait. CAN'T WAIT! She needs to hurry up and get here. And then she needs to take her time growing up, so I can live vicariously through her. And so the tiny shoes fit her longer.

On a completely unrelated note, look what my father, a man who certainly loves me, bought me yesterday:

My dad loves me SO much. And I love 25 Larabars SO much. They are assorted flavors, including cashew cookie (my favorite), coconut cream pie (SO tasty, SO bad for you), chocolate coconut chew, gingersnap, key lime pie, and lemon cookie. I'm eating them ALL. RIGHT NOW. (Not true. I eat them when there is no vegan food in the whole city of Des Moines. And they save my life.)